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Introstood

“Sometimes when the front door is closed use the back or side doors for entry or escape”.

— Rose.

So yeah I am an introvert and very misunderstood. I have little to no friends because they all like to go out and be friendly but I don’t; it just takes too much energy. I like to be home eat snacks, binge watch tv and lay with my dog. Now is that so wrong! Many people confuse us with being depressed…. well in my case yes but personality wise I am truly an introvert in addition to being Aquarius. Now, because we don’t like to do what most people enjoy we get called all sorts of things like anti-social, weird, lame, stuck up, and they just don’t understand our personalities. Bless the people that understand! Anyways I’ll be back with more posts, questions, and stories. In the meantime answer this question…. Is being an introvert and going through depression the same thing?!?!

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Who doesn’t love food

Hey guys! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a few days. Yet, I’ve been eating away like I’ve never eaten before. One of the main characteristics of an introvert is eating food. What do we like to eat? Anything saucy is delicious, creamy is yum, crunchy and is a wonderful sound and meaty is omg. My personal favorites are burgers and pizzas! Burgers with cheese, secret sauce and make my jaw just stretch. Pizza just cheesy, meaty and crunchy with peppers. I love a tall glass of beer or wide glass of wine. Now dessert wise I love my warm brownie with vanilla bean ice cream just to die for. So what do you like to eat why you’re in your introvert ways?

Dear Depression

Dear depression,

When you came into my life I didn’t know what to think were you good or were you bad. You showed me the sides of you that you didn’t show anyone else. You were consistent through the years which made me love you and trust that you’ll always be by my side. They say there is a thin line between love and hate yet; you’ve become apart of me. We wake up together, eat together, go through up and downs together and sleep together. Many nights you don’t let me sleep because you want to talk all night which leads into many mornings you want to stay asleep but I have to remind you that we have bills to pay and we have to wake up to work. Your favorite color is black I don’t judge you sometimes you wear other colors to deceive. Your favorite season is fall and you love rain. You love to watch dark shows and binge watch shows. Your favorite foods are burgers and pizza with soda or alcohol. You are a smoker even though I’ve told you that you smoke too much I accept you. You don’t like outdoors, the sun or too much happiness around you it gives you nausea. You love showers of tears and the paint color red and use me as a canvas to draw your pain. You are feisty and love to bite and fight back but you choose my skin to combat. You don’t care about your appearance and that’s ok I never judge you based on that. Many times your cold and say mean things but I know that you’re just tired. You sweat alot and your body always hurts from running up and down so much; I always tell you to relax and breath but you don’t listen to me. What I am trying to tell you is I love you and always will because you’ve been with me everyday and I’ve learned to live with you and you’re flaws. Yet; I hate you because you don’t know me can you describe me the way I’ve described you? You’re selfish and I’ve accepted that but can you accept I am a rose and I want to blossom in the sun and not in the shade you want to be. I never said I’ll leave you and I know you won’t leave me. If you love me and chose me as your partner work with me and let me lead. I’ve shown you I can do that because I get you everything you need. We have similarities we don’t like crowds or loudness, we like to eat and watch t.v but that’s me. Don’t give me an emotion and beat me down on top of it. I’ll take care of you the way you take care of me. Dear Depression I will always love you but I’m still here because I want to learn to love me so that I can learn to love you.

The ughh feeling

That feeling of drainage… feeling drained. My eyes feel so dry and sucked in, no energy and everything feels grey. Everything I see around me I see it but It’s still like a picture and yet I feel the breeze or smell nature. I can’t put on a smile today it’s so heavy the bottom part of my face it’s like I have a face mask and my face is stiff. My eyes get watery, I want to cry but no tears come down my face. All these thought go through my head like how, why and wtf is wrong with me ideas and questions. Studies show that introverts have more activity in the brain per second than an extrovert that’s alot to process. Will my brain blow up? My whole life I’ve just felt like I’ve been crawling through crawlspaces and tunnels finding a little water here, a little food there, some shelter from one place to another. I’m not in a crawlspace right now yet my mind still operates like I am.

Emotional Support Animal

Anyone has an emotional support animal? I have two! Their names are name Andros and Vasiliy… A pit lab and a great Dane…. They are my beating hearts, the pit lab recognizes when I have anxiety or just in my introvert mood and the great Dane is just a goofy one all around.

According to pyschologytoday.com:

The “Cat Personality” vs. the “Dog Personality”

It’s not just introversion cat people tended to score differently than dog owners in a variety of traits, some of them positive and some of them less desirable.

Dog people were also 11 percent more conscientious than cat people. Conscientious individuals tend to be disciplined and achievement-oriented; they prefer plans over spontaneity, to-do lists over winging it.

Cat owners, on the other hand, were generally about 12 percent more neurotic than dog owners. Neurotic is a spectrum, and people who score high in it are prone to anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings. But it has an upside: Neurotic people tend to care more about what others think, which can push them to be good team players. They may also be more vigilant about taking care of their physical health.

Kind of went all over the place from my emotional support dogs to introverts having them to explaining all these statistics… I feel emotional I guess. I wanted to pass on some knowledge and hopefully have some people ADOPT animals they are amazing.

Sleepless Nights

Those nights when you can’t sleep,thinking about anything and everything. “I should if said that 10 years ago” or the “I should of never done that”, why why why? Accompany with this overthinking comes snacking on chips, juice, soda, cookies anything you can get your hands on. In addition is one of your shows on TV just for noise… Scrolling through Facebook or whatever. Thinking about everything you need to do this week but won’t get to it. Oh this one is good ” how can I become a millionaire in a day” All these mini mental breakdowns at night it’s like where was all this brainstorming during the day?!?! Anyways that’s what I’m going through right now any tips on going to sleep or how to stop thinking so much at night?

Today is idk

The day hasn’t been so great today I am getting the symptoms of my menstrual cycle coming and it sucks. My breast feel like bricks, my back feels like breaking crackers, my feet feel like swollen blueberries ,my body feels like I got hit with a car picked up by a helicopter and thrown in the middle of the ocean and had to swim back to civilization. Now my mood is totally something else, I feel angry, excited, anxious, sad, want to cry and no desire to see one more day of life. Now typically I feel like this everyday but it goes in phases through the day right now I feel it all at once. You know I feel like there should be like a magical pond or something that you get one wish in life and it’ll come true; I think we deserve atleast one wish that’ll come true of course there would be conditions. I wish I reverse time to July of 2018. Anybody else has one wish? Comment comment comment

Bad Dreams

Good Morning

Ever had one of those dreams that you’re falling down a well or pit and your arms are just trying to catch something in the light but you just keep falling and falling, panicking and wanting to be saved or caught…. yea I had one of those dreams last night and I woke up angry. I believe it has to do with my current situation and how I feel I have fallen so deep that I can’t get out. Funny, remember the scene in the movie “Get Out” where he just falls in the unknown yup that’s me. Ughh…. It’s not that I’m in a bad situation it’s just that I don’t know, I really don’t.

Love

Love… It’s so hard to be with someone who is not an introvert. I learned I was an introvert in college and where I met one guy that started out great we had our own little bubble but then he ventured out and wanted to have friends and be social I was not feeling that. I wasn’t into all of that I didn’t know how to make conversation and looked awkward in public. His friends would say “she hasn’t said anything in an hours” or “why can’t you be bubbly” or “you’re boring” things like that. That was a nightmare to deal with. I’ve met others in my life and for the most part I’ve had luck with meeting guys that are pretty much to themselves. I think the hardest part is just finding that balance and the person understanding you have this personality trait. They need to understand that we need amble notice to social events and they need to understand that they are apart of our little introvert bubble and that’s all we need. People in general try to change us and we tend to change into something we are not due to them and we just end up looking awkward. Do we make compromises yes we do but it’s never enough… You went out last week why can’t we just go this week and the next and next ughhhh….. Battery overload! Many introverts just choose to stay alone because they don’t want to deal with that, changing their routine and feel like they’re not good enough. For the most part sounds like anybody can relate to this. Right now… I’m in a situation where I’m with someone I’m not in love with and I don’t know how to say it. This person does everything for me and is the sweetest but I don’t know know why my heart just isn’t in love with him… I love him yes but in love no. I thought I was and was following that feeling until it went away. Can anyone tell me what happened?

Depressed

Remember when I asked you guys in my first blog does introversion and depression go together? Well according to different studies online they don’t. Depression is a mental illness and being an introvert is a personality traits. Unfortunately, for me I go through depression and my personality is of an introvert. How do I know? Apart from being diagnosed… When I am in an ok state of mind I still prefer to be home away from crowds, loudness and don’t seem out social life. When I am depressed forget about it I just crawl up in my cacoon. Depression is like a small human we carry on our back for ever. It sleeps sometimes without bothering you but when it’s awake it gives hell. Depression and being an introvert can have similar symptoms pertaining to being social but as an introvert you can gear up the energy or mentally to do it but when your depressed it doesn’t matter what you do it is what it is. So, I’ve made this huge change in my life I’ve relocated to a different state and I have new people in my life but as an introvert I am struggling and as a person who has depression I am really really struggling. I hate it here I want to go back, reverse time something. Are there any people out there that are introverts and depressed? Are there any depressed individuals? Tell me about it let’s share and help other please comment.